So I’ve decided it’s time to start counting calories again. I’ve been struggling with my weight all year – I think a lot of that has to do with Abilify, which does have the side effect of weight gain – but I have also not been great about what I am choosing to put in my body. It may be fuel, but it’s the wrong kind of fuel. I find that I’m much better when I am at home. I can sit here and use the drug as an excuse while I develop Type II diabetes, or I can take some personal responsibility and try to stop it before it starts.
I’ve been doing some reading and have kind of figured out that not all calories are equal. 100 calories of fresh fruit is different from 100 calories of candy. Basically, sugar is the enemy and that sucks for me because I do love sugar. It’s probably the reason that I’m out of shape and likely the reason that my ALT is still a little bit elevated even though I barely drink anymore. I’m trying to modify my eating habits so that they include more of the right kinds of fuel vs. the quick and easy bursts of sugar that I have become accustomed to. The hardest part of trying to limit your calories is always feeling a little bit hungry. I try to mitigate that a little bit by drinking water. This usually results mostly in me peeing every 30 minutes, but I guess you take the good with the bad.
I’m doing this partially because I want to look better – I feel doughy and overweight and my clothes don’t fit right (my pants do though.) I have watched a co-worker lost 60+ pounds over the last year and am very jealous of their results. I remember how in 2016 I lost 20 pounds and felt great, felt like I looked great, and was wearing T-shirts I hadn’t worn in a long time just because I had lost weight. But really, it’s more than just wanting to look better. I want to be healthier – I’m 45 and I’m not getting any younger. I don’t want to be so sick in my 50s that I die in my 60s. I see plenty of that in my day-to-day and it’s hard to shake the feeling that someday, it’ll be me in the hospital at age 65 with a litany of health problems. The thing I try to remember is that I do have control over at least a portion of that.
My goal now is to get to 240 pounds by the end of October. Based on my weight this morning, that’s only 6.5 pounds. I think I can do that. It’s a reasonable goal. My true goal is 233 pounds because that’s where my BMI becomes 29.9. Yay for no longer being obese according to the guidelines if I can get to that point.
(P.S., thanks to everyone on Facebook for a great discussion on my last post about going to church. I still really have no idea what I am going to do.)