Revelations during mowing

I was out mowing the yard tonight after dinner – it was completely overgrown and a total embarrassment. This is nothing new as by the time August rolls around, I’m mowing about every other week at best. Tonight the grass was so long that I had to raise the blade to the second highest position, otherwise I would have been stopping to clean out the mower every 2 minutes. Even with that, it was a wet, sticky, messy job.

But it wasn’t all bad. We had gone to see the remake of Pete’s Dragon this afternoon and it had gotten me all in the mood to listen to Helen Reddy. The original Pete’s Dragon, which stars Reddy, is one of my favorite Disney movies and one I saw a million times growing up. I even had the soundtrack on 8-track! So I pulled up a Helen Reddy greatest hits compilation on Spotify and went to work. If listening to Helen Reddy while mowing is not one of the most Dan things ever, I don’t know what is.

Anyway, I’m super familiar with about 15 Helen Reddy songs, and one came up that I had not heard before, and frankly, I needed to hear it. The song that shuffled up was “Best Friend.”

Would you take better care of yourself
Would you be kinder to yourself
Would you be more forgiving of your human imperfections
If you realized your best friend was yourself

Who is always with you everywhere
Who is on your side when others are unfair
And tell me, who will never let you down in any situation
Who will always see you get your share

And that’s why I am a best friend to myself
And I take me out whenever I feel low
And I make my life as happy as a best friend would
I’m as nice to me as anyone I know

The lyrics really hit home because despite my med changes, I’m still struggling a lot. I feel like I’m marginally better, although I am ready to dump Klonopin completely because I’m thinking it might be doing more harm than good. I am still my own worst enemy. I am plagued by negative self talk.“If only you were a better husband, father, friend, pharmacist…” It’s so hard to turn off – impossible even. The trick is not giving it control, which is harder than it sounds sometimes but at my best I can swat it away like an annoying fly. On my worst days, the fly crawls into my ear a la Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan and then your mind is under its control. I guess it boils down to talking to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend – you wouldn’t undermine them at every turn and tell them that they’re a piece of shit and nothing but garbage so why would you ever talk to yourself that way.

This weekend has been hard on a lot of levels, but I think I’m ready to take on the week.

Of course, I had no idea that this song was in Airport 1975. Check out that posh airplane!

And of course, that only made me think of the analogous scene in Airplane!

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