I work tomorrow so instead of gorging myself on holiday foods, I’ll be taking care of sick people. It’s okay – I don’t really mind. All in all, I’d rather work Thanksgiving than Christmas or New Year’s. I’ll miss the chance to be with family but there’ll be other chances.
I’m reading this book right now called Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir. I don’t know why I subject myself to these books about the early days of AIDS as they always just rip me apart. However, I can’t stop reading them. They are as fascinating to me as they are heartbreaking. Anyway, the author was talking about how he had long since stopped praying to a higher being but despite this fact, every night before bed he would say out loud “Thank you for this.” I found that I really liked that sentiment. Sometimes life isn’t all we want it to be. People don’t react the way we want them to, our kids act out and sometimes, just getting out of bed and getting dressed feels like work, almost as if the 2001: A Space Odyssey music should be playing. But the more I think about it, I really am thankful for “this” – whatever “this” is.
When I really stop and think about it, I live a charmed life. Like most people, I like to bitch about the little things that make life less than pleasurable. Sometimes, when you add them all up, it can look pretty mammoth. But I’m glad to have a job that challenges me and that enjoy as well as keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table. I am thankful for a loving family and an honest relationship with my partner. I have good friends that meet various needs in my life and for whom I hope I do the same. I am very glad this year for second chances and the chance to pave over unpleasant memories with new ones. I’m happy with a credit card balance that’s doing nothing but decreasing. It’s not always easy, but it is the hand I was dealt – I’m even thankful for those hardships.
So yeah, I am thankful for this, whatever this might be at the time because really, it’s all I’ve got.