(caution: spoilers abound – not that it matters much because I don’t recommend wasting your time on this dreck.)
I spent 70 minutes of my life watching Thankskilling yesterday. Although it’s a horror film, it felt wrong watching this Thanksgiving-themed horror flick – perhaps the ONLY Thanksgiving-themed horror film in existence – in a month other than November. My friend Cory had reminded me of it last week on Facebook and when I saw that it was streaming on Netflix, I knew that I had to watch it. How could I resist a homicidal turkey that had been necromanced 505 years prior by an angry Native American chief killing college students on the decidedly-less-sexy-than-Spring-break Thanksgiving break? The answer was, naturally, I couldn’t. Technically, it’s a zombie turkey, right?
As it turns out, it’s 70 minutes of my life that I will never get back. And thank God it was only 70 minutes long. Much more than that and I’m not sure I could have taken it.
As you might expect, this movie makes no pretense at being good. Rather it takes aim at the “so bad it’s good” category. Apparently, no one bothered to tell the director of the film that you can’t set out to make a “so bad it’s good” film. That kind of thing is organic and just happens. Any attempt to make this happen is just, quite simply, never going to work.
The first second of the film is a close up on a nipple of a breast of a never-fully-explained barechested female pilgrim running through the forest, trying to get away from the turkey. I laughed instantly at the gratuitousness of the a busty pilgrim (surely there were some, right?) being pursued by the bird. Sadly, it was all downhill from there. The turkey is brought back to life by a dog peeing on its burial site. The bird has sex with a co-ed using a gravy flavored condom (size extra small.) He kills the father of one of the characters and fashions a mask made of pieces of his face and, if you can believe it, the daughter thinks the turkey is her father. After being inexplicably consumed by one of the characters, the turkey pops out of his chest a la the Alien chestburster only to turn around and say “Gobble gobble mother fucker!” These could have been funny moments but they were so frequent and so poorly executed, I found myself quite bored of the whole business.
I know it’s not fair because of budget differences, but compare a movie like this to a movie like Piranha 3D. Both are horror films played for laughs as well as scares, but Piranha 3D never forgets that it’s a horror film first and a comedy second. Thankskilling could never quite figure out if it wanted to go for laughs or scares and ended up doing neither very well. It’s more proof for me that horror-comedy is one of the toughest genres to get right.
I really can’t recommend Thankskilling, not even in a “so bad it’s good” way. Perhaps if I had watched it with other people it would have been better. I think the only thing that could have made it better is a Thankskilling drinking game, which someone needs to make pronto because drunk is the only way I’d ever watch that movie again. (turns out, there already is one. You’d be blitzed within 20 minutes of watching if you played this.)